A girl who once took part in a television discussion about sexual morality said that many young people get confused because: there is no one to say no.
Conventional standards
Another girl from Germany who contributed to Vance Packard ‘s study expressed the same opinion in somewhat more pompous words: Many of the conventional norms, such as those of the church, with which young people grow up cause numerous guilt complexes. I have experienced that. But I feel that there is a great psychological danger in a society without norms. To feel freed from social, moral and religious rules and prohibitions is one thing, but to be forced to make your own rules is something completely different.
Tribal communities
Some of today’s youth feel abandoned by a generation of parents who have failed to provide them with any guidance on sexual behavior. In tribal communities, the beginning of each new phase of life is accompanied by initiation ceremonies into the tribe. This happens, for example, with awakening sexuality, the transition from puberty to adulthood and with the step from singlehood to marriage. These ceremonies are intended to convey to the young person the meaning of the change and the associated rules. This is not the case in Western society.
Western communities
One of the reasons is that traditionally in Western communities sexuality has been suppressed or completely freed. As a result, each generation tends to overreach in an attempt to avoid mistakes made by the previous generation. Most parents find it difficult to provide good guidance and information in the field of sexuality. Some adopt such rigid principles that they either provoke a rebellious and rejecting response, or their children grow up neurotic, shy, or withdrawn. Others give up due to lack of time, energy or attention. Many parents are so insecure about matters such as sexual morality that they feel unable to provide guidance. The psychiatrist Bruno Betthleheim once wrote about the current situation: ‘When the older generation loses its footing, the younger generation feels completely lost.’
Subculture
A consequence of the rising birth rate in Western countries was that youth became a significant population group with their own forms of life. The youth formed their own culture, a subculture or subculture. Society no longer faces a number of individuals who must be led to adulthood, but a separate group in society that forms a cohesive front against adult society. Without parental guidance and control, the influence of this subculture on youth is particularly great. Even when there is some parental influence, the pull of the subculture is strong.
Signs of change
There have been signs of a positive change in values and lifestyles of modern youth, with greater emphasis on: love, gentleness, charity and spiritual life. There are optimists who say that Western society will eventually change in that direction. But in the meantime, there are still many young people struggling with their attitude towards sexuality who sometimes would like to get some guidance (and example) from their parents. But how should parents determine their own moral position?
People are not things
The philosopher Immanuel Kant struggled with such a problem two centuries ago. According to him, there was at least a clear rule that people could always adhere to. That was the principle that one should never treat another human being as a thing. One can base one’s attitude towards sexuality on this. This rule means that one must take the other person’s feelings and involvement into account. People in a sexual relationship do not always feel the same involvement. It is therefore good to know the feelings and involvement of the partner, so that they can be taken into account before starting a sexual relationship. There are many reasons for having sexual intercourse: procreation, pleasure, friendship, release from psychological and physical tension, boosting self-esteem, affection, admiration or deep love.
Issues
Many problems in sexual relationships arise from a misunderstanding of these reasons. Sometimes there is deliberate deception. In a modern sexual relationship, the partners must take these different motives into account. They have to figure out whether they can accept each other’s motives. Honesty is of particular importance here. We now have a guideline that can serve as a basis in the field of sexuality, but we are still not there.
Expectations
As another young woman who also studied Vance Packard once said of high school students, “I’m always amazed that the girls here seem to feel so little joy in their sexual experiences. They have no idea in what context they should view sexuality, what to expect from it or to what extent they should give themselves.’ And here we encounter the greatest negligence on the part of parents and the state: the failure to speak out about what they have learned from their own experiences and the lack of good information, both in the field of sexuality and in any other area of to live.