Strictly speaking, anyone can manipulate and it occurs in everyday things. Yet not everyone chooses to manipulate. There is also a difference between one person and another, because some people have a natural gift for manipulation. Fortunately, anyone can learn it… if you want to. Now to remove the negative character of the word manipulate, below is an explanation of how manipulation can also be applied positively.
What is it?
It literally comes from the Latin, where manus stands for making adjustments. It is a concept from psychology, by which we mean that we want to convince someone of something by influencing this person in a way that he or she does not notice. The manipulator tries to gain his or her advantage without appearing pushy or unkind. Yet normal influence and manipulation are very close to each other and it is hardly possible to define a dividing line. Moreover, and this is not right, manipulation is almost always seen as negative. It is not wrong to adjust that image or at least expose the other side.
Why negative?
Based on instinct, people tend to improve their social position and to achieve this, manipulation can and will be used by many people (sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously). Although it is better for mutual argumentation if people have a conversation on the basis of equality and genuine interest, this is not always the case. Yet in this way the best arguments emerge and can be decisive.
But if conversations are not equal, the person can use manipulation to maneuver a conversation (and desired outcome) in his or her direction, whereby the person can, for example, achieve monetary gain. That is an example where the negative side is highlighted more, but this does not always have to be the case.
Positive manipulation
It sounds strange to many people, but if you consciously choose positive manipulation you can go in several directions. On the one hand, setting a goal that is not just your own interest and then getting people involved through positive manipulation is good for yourself and the other person. On the other hand, you can also choose to consciously look at a goal that you want to achieve and that someone else cannot oversee (but you can). Of course, it should not be purely for your own interest, but you can positively manipulate someone for the sake of a larger goal, so that this person goes along with it and that larger goal is achieved. You can also manipulate someone positively by emphasizing an aspect of someone that he or she excels in when this person is in a slump or something has gone wrong. This feels good and will certainly soften the failure or even allow the person in question to become positive again.
Someone else’s mind
Realize that even with the positive in the background – influencing the mind of another is. However, with always a greater purpose behind it, you remove the negative and self-interested aspect.
How to learn to manipulate
As mentioned, some people are naturally able to manipulate. If this is not the case now, you can start working with subtle signals. Subtlety is a word that absolutely needs to be used here, because little sublime behavior is seen through by almost everyone.
Endearing
A necessary basis is the fact that you have to be engaging. During a discussion, eye contact is normally important, but to convince someone you have to reduce this. This way you give someone the space to tell his or her story and you can participate in the conversation with approval. Then, as an extension of the conversation, ask a question that must be answered with yes and let them know that you agree (for example by nodding in agreement). The person in question will feel strengthened and will not immediately feel that you want to change his or her mind.
Attitude
Your attitude is important during every conversation, even if you want to manipulate positively. Looking interestedly in the direction, but without continuous eye contact. Unconsciously, feet often play an important role, they should face your conversation partner and above all do not adopt a closed or reserved position. So do not cross your arms in front of your chest, but lean slightly forward when you are sitting at the table, for example, and place your elbows on the table.
Mimicry
Facial expressions are always essential in communication and some people, with a strong facial expression, are an open book and then you sometimes already know the answer to a story that they are still telling. A poker face is the opposite. Your eyebrows are an important part of your face, because people unconsciously focus on the eyebrows during a conversation and with this you can influence the conversation without saying anything. Raising your eyebrows slightly requires telling the story and frowning that you don’t understand something and need an explanation. Furthermore, a friendly-looking face is always inviting by telling something or creating space and it is not assumed that you are then trying to influence someone.
Finally
Manipulation is as old as humanity and positive or negative manipulation has always occurred. But if you do not master it naturally, it can be learned and preferably only used in a positive sense. I can’t say that negative manipulation doesn’t pay off, but consider whether it makes you happy as a person.