We are regularly confronted with news reports about young people committing suicide due to structural bullying. Bullying causes a feeling of inferiority and fears in the victim. Sometimes bullying is the cause of lifelong trauma for the victim. Therefore, not enough can be done against bullying. Nowadays there is a method that seems to be effective; the KiVa method.
Why do people bully each other?
It is not always clear why someone was chosen as a victim. These are often children who are somewhat insecure and deviate from the average. Bullies often cannot explain why they started bullying. This may be out of boredom or jealousy, or sometimes because they are looking for an outlet for their frustrations. Most bullies are essentially insecure and they try to camouflage this insecurity by acting out. Most bullies need supporters. The more followers, the more confirmation the bully receives and the further he will continue with his bullying behavior.
What is bullying behavior?
Bullying behavior can take different forms:
- physical bullying, abuse
- verbal bullying, name calling
- destroying or misplacing the victim’s property
- gossip about the victim
- silence the victim
- constantly provoke and embarrass the victim
- threaten the victim and take money or belongings.
What is KiVa?
KiVa is a Finnish anti-bullying program developed at the University of Turku. KiVa is an abbreviation for a Finnish phrase that means: There is no bullying in this school. The method has been used as standard in all primary schools in Finland since the 2007-2008 school year.
During the KiVa program the children play role plays. With the help of role plays, children become aware of the role they play or can play in the bullying process. This makes followers aware of the fact that they can also make different choices and that their choice does have an influence. Moreover, both the bully and the followers become more aware of the victim’s feelings. This increases their empathy and makes them more likely to make the right choices. The KiVa method also has an effect on outsiders. These are the children who do not participate in bullying, but do not help the victim either. They look the other way. Those who remain silent agree, and they become aware of this after the KiVa method. Because they do not make a conscious choice and do not stand up for the victim, they essentially agree to the bullying. Of course, bullying will always occur. It cannot be erased, but participation in the KiVa program could reduce bullying by 50%. This is an excellent result compared to other methods.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is relatively new, but KiVa also pays attention to this. The problem with cyberbullying is that the bullying continues forever. The child is no longer safe at home either. Moreover, the bully does not immediately see the consequences of his or her actions, which means that bullying is often more extreme. This can include posting messages about the victim on forums, distributing edited photos of the victim via the Internet, posting the victim’s telephone number on prostitution sites and more nasty things.
Tips for parents:
- Make sure that your child can tell his story to you and do not do anything against your child’s wishes, otherwise you run the risk that he will conceal further bullying behavior, which will only make him feel lonelier.
- Help your child to become more resilient. Let him participate in resilience training, or take him to a martial arts class. Not because fighting is the solution, but here they also learn something about resilience and posture. Moreover, it increases their self-confidence.
- Inform the school in consultation with your child.
- Encourage your child to come up with possible solutions themselves and to find (other) friends who can help him.