According to studies, out of every three children between the ages of eight and twelve, one is bullied at school. In about 30%, this bullying even happens systematically. Bullying can happen in close proximity to each other, but often also digitally via the internet, mobile phone, iPad, etc. What can you do as parents to combat this? And how should you approach the teaching staff at school?
Teasing or bullying
Bullying is certainly not the same as teasing. We all tease from time to time, just as we are all teased from time to time. As people who are tormented, we can often laugh about this in a sporty way. In teasing there is a situation of equality, where one person does not have power over the other. Teasing is benign in nature although it can of course sometimes lead to irritation. But it can often also improve the atmosphere in a relationship, because it indirectly indicates that you are on equal terms with each other. After all, a superior in the ranking will be reluctant to tease an inferior (play a joke on him) and the same applies vice versa.
The problem is that parents and teachers sometimes have difficulty determining the difference, so bullying is misjudged and regarded as teasing. However, bullying is a completely different phenomenon because there is no equality. The victim cannot defend himself and the bullying is often done by several people. There is a majority against a minority. Bullying and teasing also go on for a long time, while teasing is short-lived.
Being bullied as a child
It gives you an angry and powerless feeling when you notice that your son or daughter is regularly bullied by other children at school. Because he or she is a little different from an average child, maybe not as fluent, or for whatever nonsensical reason. Fortunately, the teaching staff also hates this, so in consultation with them, measures can often be taken to make your child more resilient in that regard, but especially to tackle the culprits.
Important tips to combat bullying
- If it becomes clear to you that your child is being bullied, do not react with shock or panic in the presence of your son or daughter. Your child should not notice that you react emotionally to this, because he/she will then have more support from a parent who radiates certainty, self-confidence and determination.
- Ask your child calmly who are the ones exhibiting that bullying behavior. When do they do it, at school or on the street, what exactly are they doing, and is there a known “reason”. If the child is afraid to tell you for fear of reprisals for ,clicking,, put him at ease by saying that you will make sure that none of the bullies or other children can find out that your child has done it. has told.
- Then make an appointment with the teacher and tell them what you have noticed and what you have heard from the child. You can then ask to organize a so-called “red-handed event”. This means that other adults are informed about the situation and called in with the request to keep a close eye on the matter. Because if someone sees that the child is being bullied again, this adult will tell the child in question that the bullying has been noticed. He/she then reports it to the teacher, so that help can be provided.
- If it turns out that the school has not included this form of assistance in its policy plan, a letter must be written to the board, invoking Article 3 of the ARBO Act. A sample letter can be found at www.pesten.net.
- If the board takes no action, report the situation and the board’s response to the school inspector, whose address can be found in the School Guide.
- Try to find other parents whose child is being bullied and contact a member of the Participation Council (MR) together and demand good policy. An MR does not intervene in a single case, but it does if there is a common problem.
- If nothing helps, you can keep the child at home for a while. A case description of this is also included on bullying.net.
- In extreme cases, if no support is forthcoming, find another school for the child.
- Reassure your child that he or she is not to blame for the bullying behavior and the whole situation, but that it is adults who do not dare to take action against the perpetrators in some schools.
The above tips are from bullying expert Bob van der Meer.