When you are confronted with a burnout, the last thing you need at that moment is to consciously and actively work on recovery. In the first phases of the burnout, fatigue will predominate. A feeling of not being able to do anything, feeling too tired, too many expectations that others place on you. You prefer to retreat far away, to hide from the outside world. This article provides practical tools for dealing with burnout.
Let go of shame
A burnout is not something to be ashamed of, having a burnout says something about your willingness to give. A burnout often occurs because you have always wanted to give your best in your work and/or in your social life. That in itself is nothing to be ashamed of! You don’t have to be ashamed because your body and mind have now stopped, holding on to shame costs energy. The beginning of your healing process starts as soon as you are able to let go of shame.
Accept
It is a fact. You have gone far beyond all the limits of your physical and mental balance, you have pushed yourself to the limit and the result is that you are completely burned out. Don’t resist this, accept that it happened, accept what is happening to you now.
Realize that this is the beginning of a new phase, by accepting what is happening to you now you can give yourself space to gain different or new insights. Accept that you need this burnout to move forward, to take new paths.
Dare to demarcate
Especially in the initial phase of a burnout, you will experience the feeling that everything is too much for you, the thought of the long day ahead of you can be paralyzing. The home front is not always understanding, especially in a family where everyone is active with work and school, an expectation can unnoticed arise that because you are at home, you can take on the chores there.
However, if you are not ready for that yet, you will unknowingly fall into an old pattern: you want to meet the expectations of others and in doing so you deny your own boundaries. Dare to demarcate your own space, you need this space to recover. Ask the other family members to help you with this, and explain that you tend to want to take on too much. Ask family, friends and relatives to guard your boundaries with you. Invite them to show you when you are stepping into old patterns. This can be extremely confrontational, but you will first have to recognize when you are stepping into old patterns before you can break this process.
Stand up for yourself
A burnout occurs when you have not stood up enough for your own interests, when you have not sufficiently guarded and protected your own boundaries. Perhaps low self-esteem plays a role in this, perhaps you feel that you need the appreciation of others to feel good. If so, let it go. Of course it is nice when others appreciate what you do for them, but not when this is at the expense of your own mental and physical health. Dare to be clear. That starts with daring to be clear with yourself, you know better than anyone where your boundaries are when you are trying to exceed them. Keep a diary for yourself in which you look back twice a day at the previous hours. Describe what you did and check for each activity whether you crossed a line. Then look critically at the moments in which you went beyond your own limits. Was this necessary? Was it to avoid a confrontation? Was it because you didn’t want to disappoint someone else? Be honest with yourself, you can only learn to stand up for yourself when you can be honest with yourself in the first place.
Stay connected with others
Even if you don’t need it at all, especially in the beginning, make sure you don’t isolate yourself from the outside world. What you actually need is understanding and attention, by withdrawing you deprive yourself of that healing power. Be aware that talking to others about what is happening to you is part of the family process. Be careful in contacts with colleagues; if you have contact with colleagues, make sure that the conversation is not about work. If you notice that you feel attacked in conversations with colleagues, it is still too early for these conversations, or the conversations do not meet the purpose. The purpose of talking is to process and heal, not to look for the cause of a problem, not to shift responsibilities. Here too, dare to demarcate in time when you feel or notice that a boundary has been crossed!
Provide an overview
When various tasks come at you like a big mountain, make sure you get an overview. By gaining an overview you can set boundaries, by simply diving into that mountain of work (whether it’s chores at home, social activities or your work) you allow yourself to exceed your boundaries. So make sure you understand what you need to do, so that you can estimate the time it will take you. When you know how much time you will be working on something, you can divide this time, which will divide the workload of what you are going to do and thus prevent you from succumbing to the pressure of the mountain of work you are faced with.
Stay in touch with yourself
As you get further away from contact with yourself, it is easier not to notice when you go beyond your own boundaries. Make sure you know your body and your reactions, it may be necessary to work with a therapist who can help you get more in touch with yourself. A haptonomist or haptotherapist can usually provide you with good tools in this regard.
Don’t judge yourself
In the process of processing and healing what is happening to you now, you learn to let go and to deal with situations and expectations differently. You will not be able to apply a new approach flawlessly from one day to the next. This involves trial and error, accept this and don’t judge yourself if things don’t go smoothly. You learn from your mistakes, that makes you strong, that gives you more insight into yourself.
Dare to open yourself up
Maybe the burnout has caused a change in your life, maybe you are at a crossroads and you don’t know yet which direction you will take. Dare to open yourself up to new paths, maybe a change of job is needed, maybe a change of working hours, a change in how you organize your life. Whatever it is, you can handle it if you can open yourself up to it.