And how do we deal with it… Are we monogamous by nature or not? One says that a substance causes this in the body and the other says that we are not like that by nature and that – if we follow evolution – it was imposed at some point that we must be monogamous. And still others add faith. Whatever the truth, the fact is that many people are actually not as monogamous as we think. The question is how do we deal with it and how bad is it that someone is not monogamous?
Monogamy
According to Wikipedia, monogamy stands for monos which means single and gamos means marriage. The conditions are that you get married once in your life, to one person, and you adhere to the marriage vow and therefore have relationship(s) outside your marriage.
We can now add that it is no longer just about a marriage, it is about a relationship, married or not married and no other partners. Only when a relationship is over can another relationship be entered into (serial monogamy)
Monogamous or not
Are we not naturally monogamous, have we been taught that, does religion have something to do with it or is it a gene that causes one person to be monogamous and another not?
Nature
According to Darwin, polygamy is one of, if not the most important condition for the preservation of a given species. But it is also indicated that human development is the reason that people have learned to be faithful and is therefore a product of our intelligence.
A gene
The gene ADH is many times higher in monogamous animals than in polygamous animals and this implies that if you naturally have an increased production of the hormone you are monogamous and otherwise you are not.
This does not mean that you cannot live monogamously, it is just against your nature. The question then is to what extent it is realistic that you can continue this for the rest of your life.
Serial monogamy
Serial monogamy represents the period when you are in love and have an emotional and sexual bond with that person. After a number of years the feeling passes and after the end of that relationship you enter another relationship and the process repeats itself. This is a common concept in modern society.
How to deal with it?
It is important, if you know it about yourself, to be clear in a relationship. But many partners drop out when the new potential partner indicates this. On the one hand, there is that feeling of love on the table where another partner is not even remotely present. On the other hand, it is also on the table that if someone knows this about themselves, he/she is honest and the question is, do you go for the now where you can have a great time together, or are you also or especially focused on the future.
If one of the partners is polygamous, by not being honest about it, sadness and pain lurk. This does not mean that someone cannot do his/her best to function in a monogamous relationship. The question is whether this will work, especially if you start from the gene. After all, a partner who cannot fully be himself within a relationship has little chance of success.
Honesty within the relationship
Honesty is paramount in a relationship and if both partners are honest and accept each other or are even both polygamous, this relationship can also work well. Experience shows that good agreements about what is possible and what is not is important, especially if there are children in a relationship.
Children focus too much on the parents and are usually not (yet) able to regard a polygamous relationship as normal. Regardless of what a child can understand, the environment also plays a role in this.
Finally
Of course, people decide for themselves how they view life and how they act, but when it comes to showing your most vulnerable side, which is usually the intention in a relationship, it is very important to handle things carefully, but always with honesty. Unfortunately, we also regularly find that it is sometimes interpreted differently.