True love, you cannot do without the other. You want to offer the other person a safe haven, care for and protect them. A wonderful and beautiful thing. You are sitting on a pink cloud and experience the most beautiful feeling that seems to exist. But what if these warm feelings of loving nurturing turn into an obsession? Possessing the other, being distrustful and jealous, wanting the other for yourself, isolating the other and limiting his freedom.
Obsessive love
This kind of love, obsessive love, is not about concern, respect and warm feelings for the other person, but about possession, control and selfishness. You want that person near you and you don’t care whether the other person wants this or not. These types of people often have nightmares about how their partner leaves them and if this ultimately happens it is entirely due to their own behavior. A relationship with a partner who cherishes an obsessive love is doomed to failure because they simply drive you crazy. An obsessive partner tries to bind his victim to him through threats, threats along the lines of: ,I will destroy you if you leave me and take away everything you hold dear., Until death do us part …After the relationship ends, they are overwhelmed by fear, panic and anger, sadness and loneliness. Denial plays a major role and they therefore expect that the partner will return sooner or later. That breaking up the relationship must be a whim of their partner, because she/he can only be happy with them. If this does not happen, other feelings may arise, because what if the obsessive partner cannot process this and this behavior turns into the most extreme form of obsessed love, namely stalking. After all, the broken relationship remains broken and the partner does not return with regrets and hanging legs. Just deal with that as a partner.
Stalking
You are systematically followed and waited for. You have the feeling that he/she knows everything about you. You receive unsolicited mail and letters. Postal packages are delivered that you did not order. You are being slandered and called via blogs on the internet, notes are being thrown into the mailboxes of neighbors, family and acquaintances with derogatory texts about you. Ghost contracts are concluded in your name via the internet. You see the former partner on every street corner, at your house, at work, at and in shops. Your employer receives a letter that denigrates you to such an extent that you could lose your job. Things are destroyed and threats are made. You no longer feel safe anywhere and develop a fear of failure and street fear and become paranoid. Ultimately, you no longer even dare to walk across the street to work alone. You even move, but that doesn’t help because exposure to stalking can last a long time. This can even be a stranger, and can even go as far as kidnapping, mutilating and/or killing children or a pet, even physical or sexual violence.
Goal
The goal of a stalker is that he/she is determined to destroy and isolate his/her victim. The stalker uses emotional violence to impose his will on his victim. A second weapon is that the stalker is not ashamed of anything. If nothing is done about it, it will indeed destroy you, it will drain you because in the end you will only be concerned with the stalker and you will always continue to look back. The stalker plays a psychological power game in which he/she makes sure not to be out of your thoughts for a moment. There’s no point in ignoring it. A stalker cannot be ignored and will only think that you are afraid of him/her. You feel limited in your freedom and seriously affected by your actions. Safety and freedom are basic necessities of life for every person. To lose this feeling is the worst thing that can happen to you as a human being.
But this freedom is given to every individual: at least in our society.
What can you do yourself? Every situation is different, here are some tips:
- Don’t be provoked.
- Indicate your limit by registered letter, possibly through a lawyer. Be very clear about this. No is no!
- Always take a phone with you when you go outside.
- Take as much footage as possible of the person who is attacking you.
- Involve third parties who are not family members and who can testify if necessary.
- Make sure the neighborhood director of your place of residence is informed. In some municipalities there are walk-in consultation hours.
- Write down as much as possible in terms of dates, time and place when you were attacked and by whom. (Log.)
- Report stalking to the police. So-called changes to build up a file. Also consider your logbook.
- Save, copy and collect as much evidence as possible. This can include mail, voicemail calls and emails.
- Once there is sufficient evidence collected, you can apply for a restraining order. This is done through a lawyer.
- Do not hesitate to report the incident so that possible prosecution can be initiated.
- Call 112 if you are threatened.
- Don’t let yourself be talked into and/or blackmailed. Do not enter into a conversation, not even through third parties, the behavior of a stalker does not change.
- Scour the internet to see what else you can do.
- Block your phone or change your phone number.
- Enlist neighbors to keep an eye on you, your pets and your home when you are not there.
- Get an anti-stalking letter from the police station and send it to your attacker. Make sure you send this by registered mail and keep the receipt in a safe place. Please inform the police when you send this letter. This is to increase vigilance around your person/home.