By adopting an active listening attitude you show that you are involved in the conversation. Active listening is done with your posture, gestures, facial expression and your reaction to the conversation. This will also help you communicate better. This way you pay attention to the narrator, avoid misunderstandings and try to understand what is being said. Learning to listen well is a skill you can teach yourself. You do this by paying attention to the conversation and looking at the body language of the conversation partner.
Listening well is a skill
By listening carefully to others, misunderstandings in communication can be prevented. Listening is a skill that you can teach yourself. It is not just being quiet and listening to what the other person is saying, but also your reaction to it. You respond with facial expressions, posture, gestures, and your voice. And by asking questions. This makes the other person feel not only heard but also understood.
Communicating through body language
At the beginning of a conversation, people often adopt a wait-and-see attitude. As someone starts to feel comfortable, a more open attitude is adopted. Not only does an open posture show whether someone is at ease, the hands also show an open or closed posture. With increasing interest, someone will turn more towards the other. The head, body, arms and legs turn towards the conversation partner. When people are talking to each other, the mutual interest is visible in the position of their feet. There is interest when the feet of the conversation partners point towards each other. If a foot points to the door, it is a sign that someone wants to leave. Body language emphasizes what is being said.
An active listening attitude is visible throughout
- A relaxed and calm posture. Don’t do anything else during the conversation, but concentrate on the conversation.
- A slightly forward bent posture with the shoulders turned towards the conversation partner. This shows that you are interested.
- Copying each other’s attitude. Interlocutors who like each other adopt the other’s posture and gestures. You can also consciously mirror the other person’s attitude, for example to show that you are listening carefully.
- Looking at the speaker. By looking at the speaker you open yourself up to a conversation. By looking away from the speaker you cut yourself off from a conversation. The narrator begins by looking at the person listening. He looks away again while he continues talking and looks at the other person again when he ends the conversation.
- Taking pauses for thought. Do not fill in the speaker’s unfinished sentences, but give him time to complete them himself. Let the speaker finish and do not interrupt him.
- To ask questions. Ask further if you have not properly understood the information given or if you have evasive answers. Summarize the information and ask open-ended questions.
- To nod or hum. This is how you confirm the information received.
Poor listening is noticeable because
- People are more easily distracted because they are busy with other things at the same time.
- People are already biased.
- People bring up a different topic during the conversation.
- People pretend to listen but wait for a moment to tell their own story.
- People wander with their thoughts. The saying is heard but does not get through or people’s thoughts are somewhere completely different.
- People listen in order to use what is said against you later.
Verbal and non-verbal communication
Verbal communication is the conversation you have with a conversation partner. Non-verbal communication is communication without words. They are signals that are transmitted and received. Non-verbal communication is largely unconscious and clearly reflects what you really think and feel. That is why it is also important that verbal and non-verbal communication match. If you send a contradictory message, your conversation partner will take your body language at face value. The result is distrust and confusion. But if verbal and non-verbal communication is correct, it creates trust and connection. You can also consciously apply non-verbal communication in a conversation. To do this, you must learn to recognize and understand body language. You learn this by observing others and by practicing a lot.
Learning to understand body language
There are people who are good at understanding body language. People who are not good at this learn it by practicing a lot. It is important to observe your conversation partner carefully during the conversation. You notice abnormal signals more quickly. Also make eye contact regularly, but not too intensively otherwise the other person will feel uncomfortable. Be careful about drawing a conclusion based on one observed signal. It does not mean that if someone does not make eye contact, for example, that they are not interested. It can also mean something else. Several signals are needed to draw a good conclusion. For example, someone who does not make eye contact and is slumped may not feel well. In that case, you can understand your conversation partner and postpone the conversation.
The language of the hands in a conversation
The hands are often used in conversation. But what do these different gestures actually mean? If the conversation partner has his palms open and upwards, then this person is sincere, open and friendly. Hold someone’s palms down to indicate that this person wants to convince or influence you. If someone makes pointing gestures, this person assumes a dominant position. A conversation partner who touches his neck with one hand feels insecure or has doubts. Is the person holding their fingertips together? Then he radiates confidence and authority.