Can children who go to a childcare center (also called a daycare center) learn to bond? This is a question that parents may ask themselves when they are considering how they want to combine work and family in the future. Can a young child bond with several people or is it better for bonding if one of the parents stops working? And how do you deal with the unfamiliarity phase?
Bowlby
The scientist Bowlby stated in the 1940s and 1950s that it is harmful to separate a child from its mother before the age of three. A baby needs to be with parents to bond safely. It has now become apparent that a child can enter into multiple attachment relationships.
‘Strange Situation Test’
Mary Ainsworth (a student from Bolwby) developed the so-called Strange Situation Test in the 1960s to see how well/securely attached a child is. In this test, mother and child sit in a room, a stranger enters, a little later the mother leaves, when the mother returns, we look at how the child reacts and how it finds a healthy balance between seeking closeness and to work independently.
‘Strange Situation Test’ for children who go to a childcare center
The Strange Situation Test can give a distorted picture of the attachment of children who go to daycare. After all, they are used to their father and mother leaving and they are (generally) more independent. In their opinion, nothing strange happens with this method.
Attachment relationships in children attending daycare
At a daycare center, a child has the opportunity to enter into multiple attachment relationships. The child can experience that besides his parents there are people (in this case pedagogical staff) whom he can completely trust and with whom he is safe. This provides a broader basis for the rest of his life. Securely attached children basically have a positive self-image and will show a certain confidence in contact with others.
Important
It is important that your child always sees the same pedagogical staff (it is regulated by law that no more than three different pedagogical staff work in a group, but check yourself whether this is also the case in practice). In addition, it is very important that the pedagogical employee responds well to the signals that your child sends and makes frequent contact with your child.
Single-knowledge phase
Between the ages of 8 months and 1.5 years, a child may suddenly start crying uncontrollably when saying goodbye to one of its parents. The unification phase has begun. In this phase the child consciously makes a distinction between (very) familiar people and strangers. The familiarization phase shows something of the extremely strong bond that exists between the child and the person who cares for him. So it is very normal for a child to exhibit this behavior. The child still has to learn that the parents will come back when they leave. Peekaboo games can help with this. Sometimes a familiar hug can also help the child. Eventually (sometimes within two weeks, usually this takes a little longer and, for the parents, often feels like an infinite amount of time) the child has learned that the parents will return and saying goodbye is no longer a problem.