The fourteenth of February is Saint Valentine, the day of lovers. On this day, couples express their love for each other in different ways. Everything is roses and moonshine in an ideal world. But how many couples remain faithful to each other? Deception, secret affairs, lovers, mistresses… How strong is a bond of love and can it withstand the temptations of the flesh? What most people do secretly, others do openly. They admit that they prefer a different type of relationship.
The love triangle
Some people are convinced that it is impossible to love just one person. They believe that a monogamous relationship goes against human nature. Which means that they can truly love and develop strong emotional bonds with different people. As an example of such a relationship, the love triangle between Anaïs Nin and the American writer Henry Miller and his wife June is often cited.
A synonym of love triangle is polyamory.
The open marriage
In an open marriage, partners give each other permission to date other people. The condition is that one does not fall in love with someone else to avoid complications. That in itself is logic itself, but on the other hand it is a particularly difficult task, especially for men. After all, men can more easily enter into a sexual relationship without feeling emotionally connected because they do not consider it important whether they can communicate well with a woman outside of bed, while women are more attracted to a certain type of man and can often cope emotionally attach.
Artistic people in particular fall for this form of relationship because its non-conformist character fits within their lifestyle. The Dutch writer Heleen van Royen is a good example of this.
Persons within a marriage of convenience or persons who do not find their sexual preference within marriage can also opt for an open marriage.
The open relationship
Those who do not believe in monogamy and do not want to limit themselves to one sex partner opt for an open relationship. One then finds happiness in experimenting with other partners in countless one-night stands, but remains emotionally connected to only one partner. In other words: emotionally one remains faithful, physically one cheats.
Most view the open relationship as a life philosophy that can only lead to a very active and adventurous life.
Danger
These forms of relationships are always established by mutual consent between the partners involved and usually work well. Yet the danger of jealousy is always lurking around the corner. Anyone who interacts with others outside the regular relationship may sooner or later fall in love. Putting the cat to the milk is asking for trouble. The question that can then be asked is whether such a relationship is sustainable in the long term?
It becomes even more difficult if the open form of the relationship is more or less imposed by one of the partners and the other reluctantly gives in for fear of losing his loved one.
Stay with me
Rika Ponnet already referred to it in her book Stay with me (2012) in which she stated that in every love relationship, of whatever type, there is a power struggle caused by the fear of losing the other. How strong this attachment bond is and how we deal with it is different for everyone and depends on the way in which this bond was taught to us during our upbringing.