When we think of grieving we think of sadness over the loss of a loved one, and loss that you can share with others. In some situations there is no death of a person or there is no possibility to share your grief with others.
Mourning, what is that?
Mourning is the process that follows suffering a loss. When you think of grief, you usually think of the death of a loved one. The death of a family member or friend can have such a major impact on someone’s life that it temporarily prevents the person from functioning properly. A grieving person goes through different stages of grief.
What stages of grief are there?
When you find yourself in a situation of loss you have to deal with various stages that you go through. The grieving pattern will not follow a predetermined pattern, you will end up in a roller coaster of emotions.
Bereavement is a difficult process, which has a major impact on your physical and mental health. You may have to deal with the following emotions during grieving:
- Sadness
- Anger
- Denial
- Rebellion
- Despair
- Desperation
What is needed to go through the grieving process:
- Acceptance of the loss
- Dealing with the pain
- Adjust your life to the new situation
- Give the loss a place so that you can pick up the thread again.
Loss of a loved one, but not being able to share your grief
In almost all situations involving the loss of a loved one, the loss is shared with family and loved ones. You can talk together about the deceased, the fun things you experienced together, and discuss the manner of death again and again. Being able to talk about it with others helps in processing the loss. However, if you had a close bond with the deceased, which no one else knew about and should know about, it becomes difficult to process your grief. Consider, for example, an extramarital relationship that took place in secret. When the person you had an extramarital relationship with, perhaps for years, dies, you cannot talk to anyone about your loss. It is often even impossible to be present at the funeral or cremation, and it is not possible to say goodbye to the deceased. If you are in such a situation, it is wise to seek help from a psychologist to help you process your grief. Contact a psychologist, it is even possible to receive psychological help anonymously and online via the internet.
Loss of a pet
Losing a pet is often downplayed by others. However, the loss of a pet also involves grieving. A pet such as a dog, cat or parrot, for example, will be part of your life and part of the family for many years. When the animal dies it leaves a void in the family. It is also a good idea to make a scrapbook of your pet with photos, facts and experiences. There are even cemeteries for pets, if you can believe that this has been lost, a visit to your pet’s grave can also contribute to the grieving process. Grief at the loss of a pet is often underestimated, share your grief by making it clear to your friends or family how much the animal meant to you. Showing a scrapbook can help with this.
The loss of a dream
You may also experience grief when you have to say goodbye to a dream that does not come true. You may have to deal with this if you are unwantedly childless. You reach a point where you have to stop the treatments to become pregnant, or you are told that having children is out of the question for you. The sadness here is often very intense and requires a long processing process. Grief often puts pressure on the relationship. It is also wise to seek psychological help in dealing with the loss of your dream of becoming a father or mother.
Loss of a dream can also occur especially when you have children. Parents often have a dream for their children about a good future, a rich life, a nice partner, a family . When your child’s dreamed future does not come true, you will also experience sadness. For example, imagine that your child becomes ill and is hampered by this, is or becomes disabled, turns out to be homosexual while you have difficulty with it, becomes addicted to drugs or even ends up in prison. You will then have to say goodbye
- dream
and have to learn to live with how your child develops.
The loss of a situation or tangible things
Loss that people think does not have much impact is losing a job. But feelings of grief can also play a role here. Dismissal is often intense, it puts pressure on your financial situation, but you will also have to say goodbye to colleagues who you have often worked with for years.
Even when moving, whether forced or not, one can be faced with feelings of loss and grief. You are away from your familiar environment and you have to get used to the new environment. The people you knew well and were friends with are more difficult to reach because of the distance and you have not yet made any new contacts. When emigrating, the sense of loss can be even greater, often also for the party left behind.
Are you very attached to something tangible, for example the car you have been driving for years and years, the furniture from your parental home that is now really worn out, even then you can suffer from feelings of loss. Normally these are nostalgic feelings, but if you are already emotionally weak, you can also suffer a lot from having to part with this.
Grief processing and assistance
If you feel that you are unable to cope emotionally and are stuck in your grief while dealing with your loss, it is a good idea to seek help from a psychologist. Consult your doctor to find out which help is suitable for you. If you want anonymous help, see if telecoaching is for you. See my article about this at http://mens-en-gezondheid.infonu.nl/diversen/21925-telecoaching-psychologische-hulp-op- Distance.html.