Roles within friendships

There are quite a few different types of friendships and some are for life and others are shorter lived. That in itself is not a problem, because some friendships do not have to be long, but have a clear role at the time of the friendship. Yet in every type of friendship everyone has their own role. This often manifests itself in arguments or disagreements.

Division of roles

The division of roles can change per friendship. For example, if someone is dominant and usually the leader of a group of friends, this can easily change if someone comes along who naturally takes over this role. Forced usually creates friction, but if it happens naturally, the previously dominant boyfriend/girlfriend suddenly takes on a different role. It is important that if the division of roles is clear and everyone agrees, there is nothing wrong. But when disagreements arise, you often see the roles really become clear.

Some roles

Polder fanatic

The polder fanatic is the man or woman who is always concerned with compromise and who goes out of his way to get things done for friends. That doesn’t sound that bad, but this man or woman can ignore their own feelings with this behavior. He/she wants to be friends with both friends, not to judge them, because he/she genuinely feels for both. Yet such a person can find themselves in a bind, especially if the person is called upon from both camps.
This type of person is also often someone who wants to avoid arguments, you just have to remember that sometimes a big argument between friends can provide relief, as long as you continue to listen to each other. If friendship goes deep enough, you will find a solution together.

Suffering leader

The suffering leader is the man or woman who is often the center of friendship. He/she feels comfortable with that, and often has the tendency to want to receive credit for everything he/she does (which is often the case) and if this does not happen, things can go wrong for this person. In fact, there is a very good chance that it will escalate. Things could end badly for this man/woman within the friendship. Tall trees catch a lot of wind and so does the central figure. He/she must realize better that not everyone will simply follow him/her without objection. A leader, if you want to be or think you are, will naturally get your friends on board. In addition, it is always good to be alert, as something may happen in a work or private situation that causes someone to suddenly behave differently. You must be able to anticipate this in a pivotal role and do not assume that it is always self-evident.


We can all imagine something about the bogeyman, but within a friendship the bogeyman is usually not someone who knowingly acts as a bogeyman. But circumstances create a situation where he/she rebels, feels he or she has to defend himself or herself (about whatever) and which can cause a split in a circle of friends. The bogeyman often unconsciously throws the club into the keeper’s coop and the chickens fly away. There is a leading role for the key official and the polder fanatic can no longer get the parties on the same page. Getting this right within a friendship often takes time. Emotions flare up and so the emotion must be removed in order to work on the friendship again based on reason.


The voter is clear, black and white, he or she clearly and openly chooses sides within the friendship. He/she has difficulty with people who do not make a choice or at least do not express it and this person often takes or is given a prominent role in a disagreement/argument.
It is usually not the person who weighs and weighs everything up again. Still, this wouldn’t do any harm, especially if the emotion is pushed back a bit. Once this person has chosen sides, it is difficult to rebuild the friendship. He/she must make a commitment, perhaps reconsider his or her choice or be able to explain this at least clearly, and that is not always easy for this type of person. A very close friendship can withstand it, but many friendships get stuck because of this. Counting to ten would help, but this is not always in the character of this person, but it can be learned. They are not always very primary people and if it is clear why someone is clear in his/her choice, this can consciously lead to the termination of a friendship.


The thoughtful one is the man/woman who functions in the background and may not even come forward with an opinion or statement. He/she can maneuver people in a direction from an important role, but will never do this in a dominant manner. Influencer is also his/her name for a reason. It is the man/woman who is often the opposite of the voter in terms of character, but can often remain friends with all parties due to their inconspicuous role.


Friendships are valuable, but many friendships have a certain shelf life. It’s just that we often make it so difficult when a friendship ends. The fact that you make an effort for a friendship and are open to arguments is one thing, but don’t ignore yourself.

Leave a Comment