Sometimes you are having a conversation and you get the feeling that the other person is not listening to you. However, you often cannot indicate what those feelings are based on. After the conversation, you are left with an unpleasant, nagging feeling. This article describes some examples and techniques of poor listening. So that you are not guilty of this irritating trait: poor listening.
Defensive listening
Person 1: ,I’m annoyed that you’re late so often,
Person 2: ,Yes, but I’m also very busy, Person 1: ,That’s fine, but if I have an appointment with you at 1 p.m. I want to have that appointment at 1:00 PM,
Person 2: ,Yes, but I do have more appointments in one day,
This is an example of defensive listening . In this conversation, person 1 complains that person 2 is always late. Person 2 feels very attacked and becomes defensive. Instead of these people trying to find a solution together, the conversation ends in a discussion that ultimately wastes even more time. Many discussions and arguments are fought out in the above manner. Instead of listening to each other, they are only busy coming up with arguments to defend their own position .
In such cases, it is advisable to remember that you do not always have to agree with someone . You must take the time to let the other person tell his story and understand it. Only in this way can you really decide whether you agree with the other person or not.
Broken communication
Person 1: ,Good morning mothers, did you sleep well last night?,
Person 2: ,Oh dear, I feel bad today!, Person 1: ,What nice weather outside, nice to have breakfast in the sun, right?!, Person 2: ,I have all night I’ve been awake, have n’t slept a wink,
Person 1: ,I think I’ll go get some sunbathing later, Person 2: ,I’ve been having this more and more lately, and my shoulders hurt too, Person 1: ,Oh well ,Don’t worry so much, mom, come on, let’s go outside.,
The above is an example of broken communication . Although the incident during defensive listening was far from a pleasant situation, there was at least some communication : both people were at least talking about the same subject. With broken communication you often wonder whether the other person even knows you are there. Two people are talking, without either listening to each other . People respond to each other, but the responses do not match each other at all. This does not really encourage further discussion, which can sometimes have serious consequences, as may be the case in the example above. You may start to feel inferior because the other person does not seem to be interested in what you have to say and talks over it.
Face riding
Person 1: ,Mmm, the coffee in this restaurant tastes absolutely delicious!,
Person 2: ,I really liked the food, especially the fish, Person 1: ,Speaking of fish, I always go fishing on Sundays, wonderfully relaxing, Person 2: ,I always play squash on Sundays,
Person 1: ,Oh yes, There’s a badminton match tonight, I have to see that!,
The above conversation is a typical case of bullshit . In this case, someone only listens with half an ear , because they do not find the conversation or the conversation partner particularly interesting, and therefore only understand half of the conversation. As soon as you hear something you can jump on, you do so, regardless of whether it is a logical line in the conversation. These types of conversations often take place in waiting rooms of, for example, the dentist or doctor, and at parties and weddings . People try to be polite and follow the conversation, but this is only half successful. However, driving can also have a useful function. If a conversation has been about football all evening, you can subtly steer the conversation in a different direction with the help of facial expressions .