All children go through a stubborn phase with associated fits of hysteria or aggressive moods. How do you deal with it as a parent or educator?
Hysteria and aggression
Hysteria and aggression are expressions of frustration: the child is angry or disappointed about something and reacts in an undesirable way. Frustration is part of life: there will always be moments when the child does not get his way. That is why it is important that the child learns to deal with this. The parents play an important role in this: they indicate to the child how to respond to frustration and what forms of expression are desired.
How to respond?
There are many possible reactions to an attack of hysteria or aggression. How you respond depends on the situation and your parenting method. It is important that your response is in line with your parenting method. This way there is a coherent whole for the child and he knows more quickly what behavior is desired and how the parent will respond. After all, you can play a game if you know the rules.
It is important that during your reaction you do not forget that you have a child in front of you. It is your role as a parent (or educator) to teach the child the right behavior. You will not achieve this by losing yourself in an endless discussion or becoming aggressive yourself. You can achieve this by not losing sight of your goal: you want your child to behave this way, so you have to make this clear to your child at his or her level. If you fail to remain calm, a time-out is appropriate. The time-out can be together or each separately depending on your parenting method. In my article ,Aggressive behavior in parents, you will find more tips to regain your composure.
Tips
Below are a number of possible responses. Which response is right depends on your family and the situation. Also, some responses will work well with one child, but not at all with another child. Parents must choose a response together that they feel good about.
- Clearly draw a line and ensure that your child does not cross this line.
- Make sure that your child is safe ( for example: that he cannot fall off during a tantrum ) and that any other children or animals in the area are also safe.
- Do not threaten, but carry out your threat after a warning. I’m not in favor of taking away privileges, but in some situations it’s best to take away a toy or other privilege until the situation has calmed down.
- Let your child rage: this way your child learns to express his emotions, but indicate that it is enough if you think it is not appropriate.
- Give your child an alternative form of expression for his reactions. Your child often does not know that they can express themselves differently (for example, by simply saying it).
- Don’t waste words: say only what is necessary. You can talk later when your child has calmed down. Then half of your message will not be lost.
- A frequently recommended method is the time-out. You should only do this if you feel good about it as a parent. This is a method that is effective but does not fit with all parenting methods. If you as a parent feel that the situation is getting out of hand, it is best to put your child in the hallway for a while. This gives both of you a chance to calm down. However, if you feel that you are depriving your child of love by putting them in the hallway, it is best not to do so. A joint time-out is then a better response.
Finally
An attack of hysteria or an aggressive mood can be prevented. This is a much healthier situation for parents (or educators) and child. Pay attention to signals that indicate that an attack of hysteria or aggressive mood is on the way and recognize situations that could trigger it. Every child reacts differently to a given situation. For example, there are children who become aggressive when eating refined sugars and others who become hysterical when they are tired or when their parents are nervous. Knowing your child and responding in a timely manner prevents many problems.
Aggression and hysteria are also a sign that your child feels like he is not getting enough attention. Setting aside some time for your child every day (about fifteen minutes per child is sufficient) is not an unnecessary luxury. If you cannot make time due to circumstances, you can tell your child about the problems in your family. You can find tips about communicating at your child’s level in my article: Communicating at your child’s level. This way your child has the feeling that you still care about it and that it is part of the family. Physical touch is also very important. A child who is rarely touched by the parents is more likely to react hysterically or aggressively.