Writing a condolence card or funeral card is not always easy: how do you let the relatives know how much you sympathize? Your own sadness or disbelief about the loss sometimes play a role when writing the condolence card. Some tips about a good condolence card, with examples of text or a poem.
What is a condolence?
When someone has died, there is the opportunity to offer condolences to the surviving relatives. To condole means to show sympathy or pity. Sometimes this is also expressed as ‘participation’. A condolence card will often also contain the text ‘with sincere condolences’. In Belgium this is often referred to as our deepest condolences.
Condolences from relatives can be given personally, usually after a funeral, but also via a condolence card. Nowadays more and more condolence registers are also coming online. You can express your condolences to the relatives via the internet.
Text on a condolence card
It is not always easy to think of what to put on a condolence card. The grief of the surviving relatives is great, and they themselves are often devastated by the death of an acquaintance, family or friend. In any case, ‘With sincere condolences’ is a sentence that is never wrong on a condolence card. Yet many people want to emphasize their compassion even more, to give encouragement. This is not always easy, because which text is most suitable. The texts below are a number of examples that may be applicable for the condolence card:
- There is nothing that disappears forever if one keeps the memory.
- Forever out of sight, but forever in the heart.
- Sometimes there is so much we feel, but so little we can say.
- Words are inadequate to express our sadness.
- I wish you much strength in dealing with this loss.
- Heaven has gained an additional star/angel.
A card can be made personal by using the name of the deceased. This can be done, for example, by using the following texts :
- May the memory of (name) bring a smile to your face.
- (Name’s) dying is so hard to process, it hurts so much. To have to live with the thought that he/she will never be there again.
- What a sadness and loss that (name) has passed away. I sympathize with you in my thoughts.
If it concerns a loved one, such as a family member or a good friend or acquaintance, it is also possible to put a memory on the condolence card. Memories such as: ‘The woman I met as a warm, loving person leaves an indescribable void’ or ‘(Name), the most valued carpenter, is no longer there. We will miss his hammer tapping very much.’ A personal memory is highly appreciated by the relatives.
Poems on a condolence card
Coming up with a text is often difficult, a poem is even more difficult. However, to write a poem on a condolence card, one does not have to be a poet: lines do not necessarily have to rhyme, as long as they are correct and in proportion to each other. Some examples of small poems:
Dying is only the extinguishing of a candle when the morning has come*****A person can go to sleep happy and satisfied after a well-spent day at night, so can dying after
a long and well-spent life
. Please note that a poem does not become too long on a card: if you have to scribble because there is too much text, it becomes confusing. Also note that the poem is applicable: writing a poem about a sailor on a text by someone who was afraid of water is of course out of the question. This can hurt surviving relatives.
Tips for condoling
Never, ever offer condolences via text message or email. This is very impersonal. In addition, most relatives only read this text message or email days after the funeral, because they are not busy with text message or email traffic at that time. Always write a condolence card by hand and never with a typewriter or printed via the Internet. A handwritten card is the most personal thing one can send: it shows how much compassion is shown.
Always buy a condolence card or a natural card. A condolence card often contains a beautiful image and text. A natural card can be an image of flowers or clouds. There is no text on this. Never buy any other type of card such as a get well soon card or a birthday card. Cards with cheerful or funny images can come across as mocking.
Always put a text on the card . Just putting the name on it is really not possible. This indicates that people do not really sympathize. No matter how difficult, a small sentence is greatly appreciated. For examples, see above. It does not have to be a unique or original text, but it must contain the feeling that the deceased and surviving relatives are being remembered. Also send the card on time and not weeks afterwards. It is very annoying to receive a condolence card a few weeks after the funeral.